For a good portion of my career, I treated business and personal relationships like two separate worlds.
Work was work. Personal was personal.
The reality is that those lines blur fast. Especially in sales. Especially when you’re working with people over long periods of time. Especially when money, pressure, and pride get involved.
So let me lay it out simply:
Sales is relationships.
Selling With a Heartbeat
In any sales process, you’re working with a real person, someone with a family, a career, a past, and a future. Sometimes you’ve known them in other roles. Sometimes you’ve never met. But if you want to earn their trust, it starts by showing up as a person, not just a pitch.
Yes, I have goals.
Yes, I represent a company.
Yes, I want to close the deal.
But if I lead with that, I lose the thing that matters most: connection.
When the Deal Doesn’t Happen
Here’s a hard truth: some deals aren’t meant to happen.
Maybe the budget isn’t there.
Maybe your solution isn’t the right fit.
Maybe they just don’t want to move forward.
That doesn’t mean the relationship failed.
That doesn’t mean you lost.
That doesn’t mean they’re not worth keeping in your world.
One of the biggest mistakes I made early in my career was burning bridges if I couldn’t cross them immediately. It’s a short-sighted move. Because in business, as in life, people circle back.
If you can maintain the relationship after the deal falls through, you’re doing it right.
Emotional Triggers and Financial Stress
Let’s talk about the pressure. The “I need this deal to pay my mortgage” kind of pressure. I’ve been there. When I was in that mode, I sold from fear. I made bad decisions. I acted selfishly. I damaged relationships that could’ve lasted.
The irony is, the more desperate I was, the less people wanted to buy from me.
Only when I got my personal finances under control, and stopped tying every lead to my survival, could I finally show up as a helpful partner, not a hungry salesperson.
The Long Game
Some relationships take months. Others take years. If you play the long game, if you show up honestly, consistently, and with curiosity, things tend to unfold.
Even when you’re not “selling,” you’re building trust. Trust turns into deals. Or referrals. Or friendships. And sometimes, all three.
Here’s my current compass:
- Be honest. Even if it costs you a deal.
- Be curious. Even when there’s nothing immediate to gain.
- Be kind. Even if they pick a competitor.
- Be patient. You don’t need to win every time.
My Mantra
Whenever I’m feeling anxious or out of alignment in a business relationship, I come back to a simple mantra:
I’m enough.
I deserve to be in the room, flaws and all.I have much to contribute.
My experience and ideas matter–and can help others.I have much to learn.
Every person I meet knows something I don’t.
That last part has saved me more times than I can count. Especially when I feel like I need to prove myself.
Final Thought: Relationships Over Revenue
Agency owners, freelancers, consultants, we all live in the balance between relationships and revenue.
You’re going to mess up sometimes. You’ll take things personally. You’ll push too hard or ghost someone who didn’t “convert.” I’ve done it. We all have.
But with time, and a little humility, you can build a career where your integrity is the value prop.
Because in the end, we don’t do business with businesses.
We do business with people.
And if you take care of the relationship, the sales will follow.